Christmas Day wine humor

Merry Christmas. Not much reason to write about Christmas meal wine, that ship long since sailed. So, holiday humor (warning: there are some groaners here).

• How to cook your Christmas turkey:
1. Take turkey out of the fridge.
2. Drink a glass of wine.
3. Stuff turkey.
4. Drink a glass of wine.
5. Put turkey in oven.
6. Relax, you got this. Drink a glass of wine.
7. Turk the bastery.
8. Drink a glass of wine.
9. Search for meat thermometer. Oh, its on the table right in front of me.
10. Glass yourself another drink of wine.
11. Bake wine for four hours.
12. Take oven out of the turkey.
13. Tet the sable.
14. Open another bottle of wine.
15. Turk the carvey.

• When someone asks “where is your holiday spirit?” You are permitted to point to your wine rack.

• Wine store employee: “This is a very popular red blend for Christmas. It pairs with beef, lamb, and difficult relatives.”

• I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I will settle for red.

• I don’t have a problem with wine at Christmas. I have a problem at Christmas without wine.

• In America, drinking a bottle of wine on Christmas Day makes me a wine-o. In all other countries, it makes me a European.

• There’s nothing better at Christmas than a good glass of wine. Wait. There is something better—two glasses of good wine.

• The first thing on my Christmas bucket list is to fill the bucket with wine.

• All I want for Christmas is enough wine to get me through Christmas.

• At Christmas time, there is nothing I love more than sitting in front of a roaring fire, glass of wine in hand, singing Christmas songs until I fall asleep. Maybe that’s the reason I’m no longer a fireman.

• Wine. Better results than mistletoe.

• Pessimists at Christmas see the glass as half empty. Optimists already are opening another bottle.

• Wine puns at Christmas are always in pour taste.

• This Christmas do not tell me I am fat and old. Tell me I am full bodied and aged to perfection.

• Crime family took over Christmas wine business. They call themselves the Sip-ranos.

• I always cook with wine at Christmas. Sometimes I add it to the food, too.